- house is clean (relatively speaking)
- homeschool and daily lessons go extremely well without any hiccups
- laundry is finished
- I feel happy and content with my role as Mom
This is what a bad day looks like in my mind:
- house is a mess
- homeschool and daily lessons maybe don't go well - kids meltdown, I meltdown
- laundry is creeping out of the laundry room
- I feel I did not do my best with my role as Mom
Look, I know these lists are ridiculous. I know they are not realistic but this is how my mind works. It is something I fight every day. I have always been the type that when given a task if I put in 100% then I should get my expected results. Unfortunately, this mindset does not go along with motherhood - AT. ALL.
Now here is the light bulb moment of my day. The women's Life Group that I belong to just finished our study of Esther (Beth Moore). It was such a great study - long but oh so good! There were countless moments throughout the study that I felt like I had those light bulb moments. When I got home after the session, my husband had to leave right away to run back down to the market. He was only going to be gone for a short time so I decided to go upstairs and right in my prayer journal. The kids were already asleep so this was free quiet time. While I was thanking God for many things, especially his patience with me, my thoughts turned into this sentence.
My worth is not in a good day or a bad day, my worth is in You.
There it is, the simple truth. It seems so easy…
Now that I feel like God helped me to realize this truth, I hope I drill it into my perfectionistic mentality. I hope I can remember when the dishes are piling up, the laundry seems a mile high, and when our school day is rough and bumpy, my worth is only in Him.
I am so thankful I took the time to write this in my journal. I hope I can remember to reference it often. I hope and pray I can find peace in this truth.
This post may seem annoying or worthy of an eye-roll to some. But for me it feels more like a piece of freedom. I am also aware that some will wonder why I would ever post something like this. That part is easy, because I know there are other moms, wives, and women that hold themselves to the same standards. I know that it makes me feel a little better when others are open and honest. I am just trying to do the same.
Deep in my heart I know I am a good mom. I know that God placed my children in my care for a specific reason. But in the every day life sometimes I fall victim to measuring my worth by a good day or a bad day. Hopefully from today forward, I will try remember my worth is only in Him.