Wednesday, April 9, 2014

I Passed the Test

I think we have all experienced the great feeling of passing a hard test.  You feel a wave of relief rush over you.  You feel like you are standing a few inches taller.  You feel your shoulders drop and settle back into a normal position from the release of the tension.  Everything in the world seems right.

Today, I passed my test!

It was not a written, oral, or standardized test.  It was not a test over anything I could learn from a textbook or lecture hall.  

Nope, this test required studying THE BOOK, my Bible.  

If you are a frequent reader of this blog, then you know that patience is not my strong side.  Is it my need for control, my perfectionist tendencies, the will to want to fix things...immediately?  I am sure it is all of that which made passing this particular test seem like an uphill battle that I have been fighting for months.  

We had a very taxing day with homeschooling.  This is the typical day that would cause me to lose my patience, explode, and then spend the rest of the day feeling like the world's worst mom.  BUT NOT TODAY.  From the second I woke up this morning, I told my self, "I am going to pass the test."  In a way it is my own personal test and in a way I think it is a test given to me by God.  Our pastor reminded us this weekend that our weakest areas are where God wants to meet us most.  These are definitely my weak areas.  They are also the areas where I constantly doubt myself.  Certain days I am able to focus on God and keep myself cool, however, too many days I give into the behavior and feelings; allowing them to take over my attitude and outlook.  Those days are just plain awful. As the day moved on I continued to tell myself not to fail the test, resist the urge of a bad attitude, and focus on God.  At one point, I decided to work on my Bible study while homeschooling.  You are probably thinking, why would you add something to your already stressful day?  However, focusing on the Word while my son worked next to me (not so quietly might I add), helped to keep me calm and focused on my goal for the day... to pass the test. Well, it is late afternoon and homeschooling is over for the day.  Even though it was a rough day, I passed my test and stayed calm.  Were things challenging, ABSOLUTELY, but now I don't have to feel the guilt from my actions.  God got me through today - one test question at a time. This is how I feel on a day when I allow the emotions and frustration to overcome and win.
"I have used my strength but accomplished nothing."  Isaiah 49:4
The verse speaks so loud and clear.  When you force your way through your day you are tired and feel defeated but have you really accomplished anything? This is a verse I focused on today.
"Live life with a due sense of responsibility, not as ones who do not know the meaning of life, but as those who do.  Make the best use of your time..."  Ephesians 5:15-16 Let's hope I learned my lesson today. :)

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